A high-conflict divorce is how to take a bad experience and make it even worse. The splitting spouses opt for a long, nasty goodbye by giving each other as much grief as possible on their way to a divorce.
High-conflict divorces are hard on everyone. Our Sherman Oaks divorce attorneys can play a pivotal role in helping divorce clients focus on what is best for them going forward and away from using the legal process to deepen the wounds of a painful situation.
The Character of a High-Conflict Divorce
As put by one psychotherapist who has worked with adults and children from high-conflict divorces for over 25 years,
“A high conflict divorce is a battlefield of accusations, feelings of betrayal, deep feelings of abandonment, a sense of personal assault, a profound sense of loss and an intense distrust of the former partner.”
Extreme emotional pain is behind each partner’s attempts to make the other hurt as badly as they feel and can result in endless courtroom confrontations and years of legal battles.
How a High Conflict Divorce May Affect Children
While a high-conflict divorce is no party for either parent, studies have repeatedly shown that the continued conflict can be very toxic for the children caught up in the warzone.
Children of a high-conflict divorce often feel very insecure and anxious. The ways children learn to cope with the negative behavior of their parents can inhibit healthy development. Studies have shown that child survivors of high-conflict divorces are 2x more likely to develop emotional, social, behavioral, and academic problems than children of less contentious dissolutions.
Ways to Minimize Conflict during Divorce
A high-conflict divorce is a choice. Conflict may be unavoidable, but spouses can choose not to throw gasoline on the fire. Finding ways to reduce the potential for conflict in divorce proceedings can help keep the process moving with fewer delays and less stress.
The following suggestions can help focus attention on what is important to each spouse moving forward and minimize the opportunities for past events to escalate conflict.
- Prioritize the welfare of children – Even though you may be hurting, don’t let your children become innocent casualties. The research is clear. This is very hard on them. Give them your best when they need you the most.
- Take care of yourself – Divorce is a very difficult time in anyone’s life. Acknowledge that you may need to go easier on yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
- Choose civility – The damage is done. Acting out of anger and resentment keeps you stuck in a painful past. This is about your future. Try to keep your attention on the current issues and find workable solutions.
- Communicate – If you weren’t communicating before, now is the time. Open, honest communication can smooth out so many wrinkles and is an absolute necessity if spouses are going to successfully co-parent children.
- Get counseling assistance – It can be hard to process all of the emotions involved in going through a divorce. It’s a major life change. Getting advice from a trusted guide or therapist can help bring perspective to troubling issues.
Divorce is a lot to deal with. Your family is being ripped apart. You’re mad. You’re sad. You may not know what the future holds. We get it, and we can help – Diarian & Bociaga, family law advocates. Request a consultation.